How many of us dream of our day of success as if it’s is accepting an award in front of an audience like at the Oscars or the Grammys. Where we envision ourselves walking up the stage as the crowd below claps in applause for us. We have our acceptance speech all written out, after we thank God and our Mama, we have a line specially reserved to shout out to “all my haaaaaters”!

miley-minaj-haters

But why do they deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as people and the One above who gave us their compassion and support? Why are we always so pressed to give credence to our haters? It is the same principal as those with social media platforms who can be super short, and yes I’m so guilty of this, with the “thank you” “aww that’s cute thanks” “thanks thanks” with all the positivity we receive but as soon as somebody drops the negative bomb against you we have essays upon essays of snapbacks and clapbacks to give to them. We are consumed with giving haters more of our energy. But the energy you entertain is the energy that you allow into your life and is energy that will manifest into a physical presence. So I’m here to tell you from first-hand experience do not ever thank your haters.

This is not to say that there are not times where you should address those who belittle, demean you or attempt to attack your character. Trust you me, I overwhelmingly understand why we are so quick to respond the negativity when you have opened yourself up to a public platform because people are just a lot more disrespectful to you than they are in real life. It can get overwhelming and a lot of people do not understand what happens behind the scenes. What you are already absorbing and turning another cheek to. How often you’re blocking trolls or how your own personal information gets attacked. It is absolutely a lot to deal with. First hand, I’ve learned that a lot of this negativity that comes from offline can manifest into real life experiences, potentially impacting your livelihood and it all started because we gave the negativity space in our being in the first place.

The truth of the matter is no matter what you do there is always going to be somebody who has something less than pleasant to say about you. Do remember, that there is a big difference between someone who’s a hater and someone who actually has beneficial critical advice to give to you. It’s not always easy to see or to receive but we do have to understand those who are honestly providing us with critical advice because they want to see it you do better, are going to step to you with a level of compassion and respect. No that doesn’t mean it’s is simply preference with “I love you but…” sis…no. But it will often be presented as an open-ended question or statement understanding that you are an adult who can choose when and how you decide to do better.

As a YouTuber we have a hard time dealing with this not because of the trolls. It’s more the criticism that comes from women that look like us. Women who in any other circumstance we might give the benefit of the doubt and handle each other with more care and respect, instead of harshly criticizing as they pick us apart as if we’re not human with a shared similarity in struggle. It’s one thing to criticize when someone has done something wrong, but when we are discussing more mundane things or criticisms built on false pretenses, that is what I am referring to. In real life we can shield ourselves from this because if we don’t like somebody we walk away, we don’t entertain them. But in a public atmosphere when you don’t like someone, some of us choose not to walk away and instead spend our time following them and picking apart their lives. These are not ugly or degenerate people. They are everyday women who look and talk just like you and I. To be honest, we all have a bit of this in us, in wittily “dragging” someone. We have to admit that there is nothing inherently wrong with someone who doesn’t care for you and because you are on a public platform, they publicly discuss their disdain for you. It is what it is, and there is nothing you can do about it. You can try and bend yourself to their will but they’ll just find something new to dislike. If a person is giving that much energy to speaking negatively about you, then all they want is attention and the moment you give it to them, you’ll be wasting energy attempting to close that box.

Some of us waste our time attempting to explain ourselves or even change the way we but there is nothing you can do when a person wants to hate you. They are going to hate no matter what. The moment you give them attention it becomes “why you weak-minded” “why you paying attention.” You opened Pandora’s Box and you’re going to spend way too much time attempting to close it back up. Let your haters be your haters and pay them dust.

Even as I champion the message of stay blessed and unbothered, sometimes you have to step up and let people know to not test. But just be mindful of when you do give your energy to others and who you’re letting into your intimate mental space. So when you get on that stage and accept your award of success thank the people that matter most so so uplifted you in your hardest times those who inspired you to do better and be better and give the haters nothing more than dust. Because they understand the higher you climb the harder you fall but you understand the higher you climb the harder you are to reach. Look down at the people and see how pressed they look reaching so high up with a foundation built on false pretenses.