Whether it’s Tinder, Soul Swipe, or the centers of your waste my time shenanigans like BlackPeopleMeet and Plenty of Fish, here’s some advice to keep the ain’t shittedness from entering into your personal space. Be smart and stay safe sis!
1. Black men all take the same 6 types of pics.
Seated on the end of the bed
In the bathroom.
In the gym
In the car.
At a wedding or dressed up occasion.
At the gym
*Bonus if they have a cropped out picture of them at a club/bar.
2. If he can’t find his edges he can’t find you.
I understand balding is one thing…and tbh if you live outside of America, you might not be able to apply this. In Ghana I noted that what I like to call the Nkrumah hairline is very prominent and culturally accepted. But here in the states, when your edges are running away for you it’s time to go bald. If you trying to hold on to what you don’t have, how am I to trust you won’t come into our relationship with a whole of unnecessary baggage? Serious question.
3. Sweater vests and light wash baggage jeans are a nope.
4. Is it respectability politics to not trust men who put pics of themselves with du-rags on a dating profile?
5. If he unprompted tell you want to type of car he drives…he’s emotionally insecure.
6. No problem with cheap dates just don’t make it obvious that you’re intentionally trying to take me on a cheap date. Like by calling it a meet and greet or a drive by. Honestly when meeting someone offline a lowkey “cheap” date is preferable for the both of us.
7. If you’re homegirls are on Tinder, when you meet a guy and you’re interested, show him pictures of your homegirls so he knows…don’t even have to put a restriction on it. Just casually be like I don’t have a lot of friends in this city I pretty much hang out with Tiffany and Ashley see…this is us, at the club. All our faces are clearly visible.
I saw my ex’s wedding photos (we were still dating oh) on FB and confronted him. He told me he and his ex were doing a music video
— Toke Makinwa (@tokstarr) January 22, 2015
8. If his Nigerian ask I’m if is Mom, aunty, or a member of his Mother’s church, professional, and/or community organizations have a woman waiting for him any world in the world. Like she’s bestowed to you. She already got her asho ebi selected. And I have asked and be met with “I mean but I pay for everything. We take good care of our women.”
10. Really you always have to ask: Are you in a relationship? Is there a person who currently believes that they are in a relationship with you? You will be surprised at some of the responses you get.
11. NEVER EVER let someone you meet offline pick you up from your residence. Tinder is great to use when you’re traveling abroad. But be safe and meet in public easily accessible places. Don’t get got.
12. You ain’t a ho unless everybody knows. Discretion is key. Do not let anyone police your body. But be safe, understand the risks and the consequences both physical and emotional and be real with yourself.
13. Google Voice phone numbers are great. For most of us on social media with smartphones are phone number makes it super easy to find our digital print across the internet. Until you can meet and verify who a person is, them knowing your Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Vine, LinkedIn, might not be the best idea. You never realize how easy it is to piece together details to stalk a person, until it’s done to you. Keep that stranger danger at bay and use Google Voice.
What I miss? Stay safe and live like Sa’naa….kept your ratchetry discrete and say prim and proper in the public eye. Do you! Deuces!
The author Jouelzy
Jouelzy is a #SmartBrownGirl, Author, Vlogger & Writer, addressing lifestyle issues that impact women of color from beauty, culture to technology. With 162k+ subscribers she’s reshaping the image of women of color, who honor their right to revel in their diversity.