Somewhere a long the line of having a YouTube channel and starting this #SmartBrownGirl movement, folks have deemed me worth of them asking for my advice. Originally this started out as content for my #AskJouelzy videos, but what I noticed was that I was fielding a lot of the same questions with a very similar narrative. The narrative that every person that their situation was the spectacularly different from every one else’s and that they had did/done everything that was to do, met ever person there was to meet and they were at the bottom of the barrel in their life situation. There was no way out, and after a 10 paragraph email to me, explaining all the nuances, they were wondering if I Jouelzy, someone who has never proclaimed to have her life together, have any advice on what they could possibly do….you know, even though they’ve done everything. And we have all been there.
The moments of feeling supremely hopeless because seemingly everything and everyone has come up short. You’re too tall for your own ambitions. Feeling hopeless just sucks. But there are ways to move past these feelings of nothingness and better your sense of self + surroundings.
Understand the power of your perspective.
Outlook. The law of attraction. However you want to term it, your perspective is a powerful force that shapes your life. Negativity, along with every other mood and emotion from fear to positivity, starts in your mind. So if your stuck mentally and physically at the bottom, start with your perspective and work your way out.
Take a step back, and look for the positivity.
Yes this is cliche as f*ck…but it’s real, in that it really works. Stop. Take a moment of silence. Breath. Exhale. Really work to clear your mind, sans any substances, so slide that wine bottle to the left. This is a great time to write a journal entry, as you list all the positives in your life no matter how minute they are. You’re alive. You have access to a pen and paper. Those are positives to start with. You may really have to dig to find the positive, but once you get it started it will help to find areas that you may be over looking and offer inspirations that you were ignoring. There’s untapped potential in changing your perspective.
Think about what your role is in the situation.
There is a fine line between taking the time to be self-aware + honest, and being self deprecating. So we are not encouraging people to blame themselves for every wrong thing in their life. Instead look at what you can reasonably change, as in actions you can take to improve a situation. It might just be changing your perspective, and pursuing things with an optimistic outlook, letting go of the very American attribute of cynicism. Or maybe you could try a little harder, have a bit more faith, discipline or better work ethic. Just be sure to start with small changes, lest you overwhelm yourself and end up doing nothing.
You have to be in a space to receive the goodness in any form.
Some of us may give with the expectation of receiving in the exact same form that we gave. But that blocks us off from the potential to receive in much more bountiful ways. In it’s plainest form, that would be doing something for a friend and expecting them to do the exact same thing for us in return. But everyone doesn’t have the same gifts, talents and access. So, while I may be good at helping a friend with their resume, they might be better at helping me find a good deal on shoes. It might not seem like an equal trade off, but you can’t expect someone to have the comfort with what they can offer others, as you do. I’m not good at reviewing resumes, so when friends ask, I usually pass but I also know that I benefit their lives in other ways, like when they call me about hair topics instead of watching my videos (lol…smh). And we build up on that idea to understand that there’s diversity in the way positivity comes into your life, so let go of some of your expectations on exactly how it should appear, and just know that you deserve it in all it’s forms. It will most definitely come to you.
Friendships are complex but there’s always someone out there for you…
Loneliness is a very big issue for many. I’ve tackled that and the dealing with the depression/anxiety that might accompany the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Behind that feeling, is the feeling like no one can be the friend that we need, or more so no one wants to be our friend. That is factual not true, there’s someone(s) out there for you to bond with. But there’s multiple layers to finding friends, and there’s a whole #SmartBrownGirl post on that.
If your feeling stuck in your career, use Google.com.
Google is the most overlooked tool of the beloved. Google, is a real help on so many levels. Instead of lurking at peoples visual lives via social media, find people who are doing something that you admire, and Google them to find interviews. If there’s a career path you would like to pursue, look up interviews and articles from people in that industry. Google literally makes the world your oyster.
Something that may not be for everyone but has worked great for me…aside from my personal faith, I have done several readings with Sam Reynolds, an astrologer. I’ve interviewed him and talked about my first birth chart reading with him in a previous post. You can check that out to find why I enjoy speaking with Sam, and how his services are more then the surface horoscopes found in Cosmo.
Just remember, you’re never truly at the bottom, there’s always a way up from wherever you have fallen. And the change towards better will always start with you.
Check the #SmartBrownGirl video below, and let me know have you ever felt entirely down and out? What have you done or are you doing to overcome the inertia and negative feelings? Comment down below!
The author Jouelzy
Jouelzy is a #SmartBrownGirl, Author, Vlogger & Writer, addressing lifestyle issues that impact women of color from beauty, culture to technology. With 162k+ subscribers she’s reshaping the image of women of color, who honor their right to revel in their diversity.