#AskJouelzy: What Makes You A Ho? Defining Your Sexuality

Finally another #AskJouelzy is here! Totally thought that I had lost this footage that I recorded back in April, but I found it the other night and immediately put it up. This question was a really good one and I definitely wanted to discuss the topic on my channel so here we go:

Hi Jouelzy!

Like all your subscribers, I love your personality and good common sense. My question could be a bit out of the box, so here goes…

What makes a woman a ho? Can you really turn a ho into a housewife (not necessarily a housewife, but a woman who values her body enough not to sleep with every Joe, Jack, and John)? This is why I’m asking: at twenty four, I have FINALLY realized that I need to put myself on pause as far as dating and learn to deeply love myself. This decision has changed my life in such positive ways, but sometimes I think back on the negative sexual relationships I’ve had (#the scrub, #the dl dude, #other ratchetness) and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself and move on from the dumbass decisions I’ve made as far as men are concerned. I wonder if I’ll find personal redemption in learning to love me fully.

Thanks in advance for receiving this loooonng email and possibly providing a sista some much needed advice. I’m taking responsibility for my actions, but I’m realizing that I’ve never had a momma who bothered to teach me self love and how to protect what’s precious about me from ratchet negros, and I’m trying to figure it all out now.

Thank you,

Great question! Not only is she asking what makes a ho, but she touches on something that a lot of women deal with when it comes to defining how we use our body and sex. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not here for the 2-Dimensional Tyler Perry box of the bemoaned and beleaguered all I need is Jesus Black woman, as we all shape our own spiritual identity. So if you decide to be sexually active, and when you take your first step into that realm, how are you to decide the parameters you should set for yourself? Where do you place the past mistakes? How do you mentally deal with something that you are not proud of? And in the grand scheme of things at what point have you crossed over into ho territory?

I’m of the personal belief that you are only a ho when someone know’s what you do in the dark. As many people like to point the finger at Kim Kardashian, I guarantee you there’s quite a few man, women and others who have more bodies on their list of fuck buddies then Kim K does. The problem is not only do we know who she’s slept with, we have videos and pictures of it and that’s what makes it so easy for the ho card to get thrown around with her. So don’t go beating yourself up about what you’ve done behind close doors. Learn from it. Know that you need to do better and move forward as it’s nobodies business but your own.

What you need to do, is take the time to learn and understand your body (mind + soul included). Play some Billie Holiday while you get it together and come to understanding of what works for you. Nobody can tell you how to use your body and I mean nobody. This is something that so deeply impacts your being, that only you can decide because in the end the repercussions are going to come down on you and no one else (STIs withstanding). That means if you elect to abstain or dip it low, it’s you who has to wake up the next morning and move forward. If it’s Jesus or a cold shower, meditation or an R. Kelly album, work out what works best for you. But do remember, the vagina is a pH balanced warm/moist cavity – literally you want to moisturize your sexy right at the pH 7 neutral level.

Even when others might catch wind of your past actions, hit them with the blank stare, ain’t never heard this a day in my life so I’ma remain blessed and unbothered look in their eyes and carry on with your life. Unless there’s pictures ain’t nothing but someone else’s word and wasted energy. The art of the swindle will forever allow people to move on from past regressions. Kim K is out here flourishing because she’s young, fashionable with a cute child, a prolific husband and whole lot of what other people want. If you have what other people want you will always be ahead. And that is NOT just about material things. If you are truly happy, content and fulfilled with yourself and your life, when a lot of people are not, you will still be way ahead of the game, and watch as people follow your trail because of your positive energy. So focus on you moving forward rather than worrying about a past life.

Do not Mimi Faust yourself, who is spending too much time lying about being a G cause Mona Scott waved a check in front of her face and she agreed to be in the most boring sextape ever with Nokio, the broke man’s Stevie J (lower than low, cause Stevie J is already bottom of the barrel). Mimi is not taking advantage of the art of the swindle with that snoozefest of a sextape. There’s nothing about her life that people aspire to have, she’s not happy or cute so she’s going to take the ultimate ‘L’. Plus ain’t nothing to learn from that tape other then how not to have sex and be wack — all types of no’s from both parties involved. So nary worry about what you might have done. Be proud you aren’t Mimi and flourish in a life of happiness and contentment with yourself.

Stay blessed love.

As always you can submit questions to ask [@] or tweet me with #AskJouelzy

Tags : #askjouelzyf*ckboysmental health

The author Jouelzy

Jouelzy is a #SmartBrownGirl, Author, Vlogger & Writer, addressing lifestyle issues that impact women of color from beauty, culture to technology. With 162k+ subscribers she’s reshaping the image of women of color, who honor their right to revel in their diversity.

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